How can women come

If you put an inordinate amount of pressure on yourself to come, you won't be able to access the relaxed frame of mind that is often necessary to send you over the edge. When trying to figure out how to orgasm, sexologist Shamyra Howard , LCSW, recommends that you get to know your body well: "I recommend that you first become familiar with your body and what brings you pleasure outside of sex," she says.

Get a mirror and look at it. Do this often. Touch it and pay attention to the different textures and temperatures you feel as you apply different types of pressure. Figure out what's erotic to you.

Do you know how your body responds when you're sexually turned on? Having an orgasm can be a full-body experience , so getting to that point should also be one too.

Don't focus entirely on your clit. Play with your nipples, stroke or pull your hair, touch your inner thighs and your ass. Run your fingers over your neck and shoulders. Basically, imagine the kinds of touch that a lover would do for you and recreate them yourself. You could even use nipple clamps or a butt plug to ramp up the sensations. Do you like fantasies? Are there certain smells that are erotic, like candles or oils?

Do you like listening to moaning or other kinds of noises? Vibrators are an orgasm's best friend. Many people swear by wand-style vibrators for guaranteed orgasms. They provide a deep and intense rumbling sensation, which can be overwhelming at first.

A top tip is to try it over your underwear first and then build up to using it against your body. Many people also swear by air-pressure sex toys, which use air to stimulate the clitoris and can be a good alternative if direct vibrations are off-putting for you. You could also use a dildo inside of yourself while you touch your clit for a double hit of orgasm-inducing bliss.

Lube is one of the most underrated additions to masturbation. Even if you have no problems getting and staying wet, lube can still feel amazing and intensify sensations. Don't be ashamed to reach for it when you're playing solo. Reducing the amount of irritating friction while you masturbate can make you more comfortable in general and therefore more relaxed and therefore—you guessed it—more likely to reach orgasm.

Listen to an erotic podcast, audiobook, or songs to get you in the mood before or during your masturbation session. Watch porn or look at images you find arousing. Hell, you can even write your own erotica!

If you're stuck, try to recreate a particularly hot previous sexual encounter or fantasy in words. Sometimes having an orgasm is a marathon and not a sprint. Lock your door, pull down the blinds, and put your phone on airplane mode so you have specific time put aside for your self-love. Don't try to quickly rub one out before work or going to meet your friends for lunch. You need to give yourself space to not feel stressed or under pressure.

Use the power of the breath to aid your masturbation sessions and get in touch with your body. By focusing on deep, mindful breaths, you can access a deeper state of relaxation, which can facilitate an easier path to orgasm. In tantric sex practices, breathing is also used as a tool to make your orgasm last longer and even to have multiple orgasms because it can help distribute orgasmic feelings through the body instead of moving toward a big "release" of the energy.

Once you're a pro, you can use these tips on how to make your orgasms even stronger. To have orgasms during sex, your partner needs to know what works for you—which means that, yes, you'll have to tell them directly what to do.

Don't assume they'll just magically hit the right buttons for you! Once you know what you like through coming by yourself, bring that information to your partner. It can be helpful to frame things in a positive manner; for example, you can say, "I really enjoy it when you XYZ.

Could you spend longer on it next time we have sex? Stand in front of the mirror and practice telling your partner what you like and how you want it. If you find it intimidating to be demanding and clear about your desires, then repeating it to yourself will help the words flow more easily out of you when it's time to talk to your partner.

To go along with the verbal communication, you should practice showing your partner precisely how you want them to touch you by using your own hands. You can explain what you're doing as you go along.

This is not only instructional but can be super hot as well. As mentioned previously, most women cannot come from penetration alone. Sometimes variety and surprises can be sexy and can lead you up the orgasm path. When it comes to anal sex, please, please, please use lube.

Shop for lubricant online. In order to achieve a combo orgasm, combine clitoral and vaginal stimulation at the same time, either in parallel or opposite rhythms — whatever feels best for you or your partner. Finally, erogenous zone orgasms are achieved exclusively through a lot of experimentation.

You may be able to orgasm from kisses on your neck, teeth on your nipples, or fingers on the inside of your elbows. The best way to find your erogenous zones is to use a feather or another light external object and take note where you feel the most pleasure. In any kind of sexual play, communication is key. Not only is consent literally required by law , but telling your partner what you want, how, and where is the best way to ensure maximum pleasure.

This means asking for what you want either with words or with your body language. This also means being open to experimentation. Pleasure is not dependent and neither are you — the better you know your rhythm with fingers and toys, the faster you can teach your partner how you tango.

But not everybody experiences sex and orgasm the same way. Masters and Johnson wrote a book that detailed the sexual response cycle , which states that there are four stages of the sexual response:. Orgasms can be small.

Bodies are different. Orgasms are different. But the path it takes to get there is all about experimenting, communicating, and trying again. Allow yourself to soak in the sensations of the pleasure process just as much, or even more than, the finale. Hannah Rimm is a writer, photographer, and generally creative person in New York City. She writes primarily about mental and sexual health, and her writing and photography has appeared in Allure, HelloFlo, and Autostraddle.

You can find her work at HannahRimm. Still, most theories include the following stages:. Many females are able to have another orgasm after resolution, whereas males usually require a period of rest before having another orgasm. While the internet is filled with articles promising that orgasms improve skin, hair, and overall health, there is little scientific evidence that orgasms offer any specific health benefits. Scientists have not identified any evolutionary benefits of female orgasms or found that orgasms improve health.

But orgasms are pleasurable, and pleasure can be its own benefit. Women do not need to orgasm to get pregnant. However, a limited body of evidence suggests that orgasms may boost fertility.

One very small study , for example, measured whether there was better sperm retention after female orgasm. While the results confirmed this, proving that the female body retains sperm better after an orgasm will require larger studies with designs of higher quality. While trauma, relationship issues, and poor mental health can make it more difficult to orgasm, many people with healthy sexual attitudes and good relationships still have difficulties.

An orgasm is both a physical and psychological response, and numerous health problems can make it more difficult to enjoy sex in this way. Some people struggle to orgasm due to inadequate lubrication. This may happen while taking hormonal birth control, or during or after pregnancy, or due to menopause.

Also, women can experience vulvodynia , which refers to unexplained pain in the vagina or around the vulva. Treating this and other medical conditions may improve sexual pleasure. Self-appointed experts, mostly men, have long told women that they must orgasm from heterosexual intercourse. However, many women can only orgasm from clitoral stimulation.

Sigmund Freud argued that the vaginal orgasm was the superior and more mature orgasm. No evidence supports this claim. While vaginal orgasms are less common than those from clitoral stimulation, some women have them — with or without other stimulation. The female orgasm can result from many types of stimulation , including vaginal, clitoral, and nipple contact. Orgasm is a complex psychological and biological experience — reaching and experiencing orgasm is not the same for every woman. Some women may need to feel love to orgasm, while others may not.

There is no way to tell if a woman has had an orgasm without asking her. Some people make noises during an orgasm, while others are silent.

Some flush or sweat after an orgasm, but others do not. A person who wants to know if their partner has had an orgasm can ask without being confrontational. If the answer is no, avoid judgment, anger, or feelings of inadequacy — these can put pressure on the person to orgasm, which can lead to anxiety and make it more difficult.

Instead, discuss whether they would prefer a different approach to sex. Being unable to orgasm is a common issue, and it can occur for a variety of reasons.